It’s December and we all know what that means!
Hallmark and Lifetime are subjecting us to their onslaught of holiday-themed movies until the day after Christmas. Last year, Hallmark released 33 movies and another 28 in 2016. Altogether, they have approximately 136 movies in their library. Lifetime has 44 similar movies. Netflix is starting to create their own line of Christmas movies as well, though I did enjoy “The Christmas Chronicles” with Kurt Russell as Santa Claus.
With that in mind, I would like to propose the plot for my own Christmas movie in the vein of Hallmark and Lifetime. If I’m lucky, maybe they’ll see it and want to option it.
Our movie begins with a young, blonde woman by the name of Jenny McWorker, played by an up-and-coming actress nobody has heard of, who is currently living in The Big City where she is the assistant to the assistant executive of the vice-president of sales for Scrooge-Grinch Corporation. Her fiance, Jared Glassjaw, who looks kind of like the guy from “White Collar,” works for the same company, and they are set to be married on Christmas day. Through a strange twist of fate, however, Jenny McWorker needs to return to her hometown, Yuleburg, to take care of some personal business.
Her hometown, we discover, is a quaint hamlet pulled from a Currier and Ives painting with a population of a few thousand that get along quite well with each other. Upon her return home, Jenny is informed by her mother that her ex-boyfriend, Ronnie O’Studdmuffin, who looks similar to one of the Jonas brothers, is still in town and is totally a far better guy than he was when he first broke Jenny’s heart.
Ronnie spends most of his time volunteering at the local animal shelter, but when he’s not doing that he is up in the surrounding forests harvesting the endless supply of evergreens for Christmas trees. This seasonal business, surprisingly, provides a decent income that helped him buy a two-story, four bedroom Victorian house that he had purchased the day before his fiancé had been run over by a team of reindeer. The house, which had been a dream of his now-deceased fiancé, sits mostly empty—much like his heart.
Despite her best efforts, Jenny continues to run into Ronnie around Yuleberg as he is taking a half dozen Golden Retriever puppies for a walk. One day, he invites her out to coffee so they can finally catch up on their life. Against her better judgement, Jenny accepts the invite and begins to find her small flame rekindled. Over the next few days, she helps Ronnie out at the animal shelter and they get closer and closer.
One night, after accepting an invite to dinner at Ronnie’s house, they share a kiss which causes her to rethink her feelings for Jared. Not wanting to confront her feelings, Jenny takes the first flight out of Yuleberg and returns to The Big City. She buries herself in her work and planning her wedding, convinced that once she has married Jared she will stop thinking about Ronnie.
The day before the wedding, Jenny realizes that she doesn’t really love Jared and leaves him a note saying so before heading back to Yuleburg. She arrives in her hometown on Christmas Day and rushes to find Ronnie. Jenny finds him at his house, playing in front of the fireplace with eight adorable Basset Hound puppies. She runs into the house and kisses Ronnie, telling him that she loves him and that she is moving back to Yuleburg for good.
With a happy ending for everyone, except for Jared, the movie ends. Slightly off key, but pop style, renditions of classic Christmas songs play as the credits roll.
Taking a page out of Marvel’s handbook, a post-credit scene sees Jared go to Yuleberg to try and win Jenny back. On his way, however, he pulls over to help a woman who is stranded on the side of the road due to a flat tire. While helping her out, Jared discovers that she is a corporate finance clerk, who looks kind of like one of the actors from “Pitch Perfect,” and her name is Trinity Kringle. A sequel is eminent.
Hallmark, I expect my check in the mail shortly.
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