All wrapped up: The origin of toilet paper

You were warned.

I mentioned in my last column I would be writing about the origins of toilet paper.

It was kind of a goof—but then I thought, “what the hey?”

When I looked up information on the subject I found reams of material on this a-commode-ating accessory.

A Crappy History

Once upon a time mankind cleaned their backsides with whatever was at hand (including their hand).

Leaves, shards of pottery, hay, discarded sheep’s wool, grass, snow, tundra moss, corn cobs, husks, fruit peels, sponges and sand are among the many items used before toilet paper rolled into our hearts.

You just know at some point someone used poison oak to tend to their hiney. I am sure that is on par with eating a bowl full of jalapeños on the whole burn scale (notice I said “whole burn scale” and not “hole burn scale.” Gotta watch out for some of my reader’s more delicate sensibilities).

The classical Romans used an “L” shaped stick produced of wood or precious metal. At a public toilet, sponges were put on the sticks. Those sponges were kept in saltwater or vinegar between uses—so at least they had some sort of an idea about being sanitary (but I still don’t want to try out a used sponge on a stick). In the middle ages, a regular stick called a gompf stick was used in an offal way.

In the 6th century AD the Chinese became the first society to document the use of toilet paper. By the early 14th century, 10 million packages of toilet paper were produced in the Zhejiang Province alone. Of course, about this same time, the Hongwu Emperor’s family had access to specially made soft fabric toilet paper that was even perfumed. So I guess they thought their *ahem* “stuff” didn’t stink.

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“You never know what you have until it’s gone. For example: toilet paper.”

—Anonymous

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Poopooing an

entrepreneur

With the rise of publishing, cheaply produced books and newspapers (don’t get any ideas) were used for cleansing. The English Lord Chesterfield, in a 1747 letter to his son, told of a man who had a cheap book. After reading a bit, the man would rip the read pages out and take them to “that necessary place.”

Early Americans employed the widely available Sears catalog. This handy booklet came with a hole in the corner which made hanging the piece in an outhouse fairly convenient.

In 1857 an inventor named Joseph Gayetty created the first commercially available toilet paper. Gayetty’s Medicated Paper was made of hemp with aloe added. This paper came in squares and was packaged in Kleenex-like boxes. The surprising part is that Gayetty had his name printed on every sheet.

Really?

He did have an idea what people were using it for right? Talk about getting a crappy name.

The invention of toilet paper on a roll came from Clarence and E. Irvin Scott in 1890. The Scotts built a steady business selling their rolls to hotels and drugstores but because Americans of the time were embarrassed by bodily functions, it was hard to get the public to openly buy the product which was sold discreetly in brown paper wrappers. As a matter of fact the Scotts were so ashamed of the nature of their product that it wasn’t until 1902 that the pair took credit for their innovation.

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“May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper.”

—Turkish proverb

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Rolling out some facts

• The Scott’s first rolls were not perforated. Instead lavatory dispensers had teeth to cut the paper as needed.

• Contrary to popular belief, changing a roll of toilet paper will NOT cause brain damage.

• America goes through 15 billion rolls of toilet paper each year. That works out to be enough to TP the entire Earth 40 times.

• Seven percent of Americans fess up to stealing rolls of toilet paper from hotels.

• It wasn’t until 1935 that a toilet paper manufacture was able to promise their product was “splinter-free.”

• The average person spends 3 years on the toilet in the course of a lifetime.

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“I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

—Andy Rooney

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Double, Mega Jumbo

and More

During the Depression, Charmin began selling economical 4-packs of toilet paper. This move, coupled with the feminine logo on their packaging which evinced softness, probably saved the company.

Since that time it seems companies have focused on ways to get the consumer to buy more at a time (like they think we are full of something). Four-packs were followed with six, eight,12 and 24 packs.

In a strategy seemingly aimed at teenagers who didn’t want to carry multiple rolls to do some house decorating, rolls soon became double rolls. This was followed by the Mega roll and I hear a soon to be “rolled out” Octuple roll is in the works.

Personally I like to buy toilet paper in bulk—but I was glad my car had enough room to get my last 24 pack of Superduper-sized, insanely plush and Herculean strength paper back to my house. This is not to mention that I had to balance the huge package precariously on top of my groceries in a full shopping cart.

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“Karma: (noun) when you use the last of the toilet paper without replacing it and are the next person to use the bathroom.”

—unattributed definition

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The Over and Under on Toilet Paper

One of the great debates of our time is whether toilet paper should be put on the roll in an overhand or underhand fashion. To back that up, the discussion page on Toilet Paper Orientation on Wikipedia is twice as long as the one for the Iraq War.

As a brief description: The overhand way is where the end to the toilet paper is closer to you; The underhand method is closer to the wall in a wall mounted dispenser.

About 50 percent of people pay attention to toilet paper orientation but about one in five people get annoyed if the roll is facing the wrong direction and men are more likely than women to get ruffled about it (I think women are just happy any toilet paper is there). That same percentage (20 percent) have flipped a roll around if installed in a way not to their liking.

In 2010 toilet paper manufacturer Cottonelle ran the “Cottonelle Roll Poll” to decide the question once and for all. Half a million voters participated in the roll poll. The verdict …?

wait for it …

Seventy percent preferred the overhand method.

Wrapping it up

I enjoyed “having a go” at writing on toilet paper more than I would have thought. If you didn’t like this stroll through the vagaries of what has become an essential American necessity then I hope you can “wipe” it from your memory. That shouldn’t be too hard … just “flush” it away.

If that doesn’t work, remember my name and image is printed on this page.

 

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