The Saratoga Sun -

National Days daze

 


Here it is again. National Flatulence Day.

In observance, I ate beans all day yesterday.

You should see the look on my coworkers faces—I am worried they might stick like that.

Okay, you got me.

There is no specific National Flatulence Day. I celebrate it year-round anyway.

Too much information?

Sorry.

Like most people with adolescent-level minds, I think fart jokes are funny.

But there are a “butt-load” of National Days.

I took a look at nationaldaycalendar.com where there are clickable icons for every month.

Once you click on a month, you get four more icons; one for the month’s National Days, one for that month’s National Weeks, one for that month’s National Month observances and another for International Day observances.

Holy crap!

It seems like there are National Days, Weeks and Months for just about anything, so I took a little time and decided to share some I thought were funny or unusual.

I am going to take out the “National” before these because this is going to get really repetitive (and redundantly redundant) if I don’t.

Just put in your own “Nationals” in when you read it.

I also am not going to talk about Weeks, Months or International Days because, after looking at the ridiculous amount of National Days, I could probably fill the paper with this column.

January

The first is Hangover Day. It is also Bloody Mary Day.

Makes sense if you are one of the many people who over imbibe no New Year’s Eve.

The first Monday in January is Thank God It’s Monday Day.

What? Who celebrates that?

The third is Fruitcake Toss Day.

A game or just people cleaning out their holiday “bricks?”

After the joke I made to start … Jan. 6 is Bean Day.

It is pretty cold out then—it could warm your house.

The 18th is Thesaurus Day.

Couldn’t they have called that something else?

Jan. 25 is Opposite Day.

There really is one of those?

February

The first is Serpent Day.

What snake came up with this?

Feb. 7 is Periodic Table Day.

Sounds elementary.

Feb. 11 is Make a Friend Day.

Roboticists have celebrated this day for a while.

March

Mar. 5 is Absinthe Day.

It does make the heart grow fonder you know.

The eighth is Proofreading Day.

I reely think that may have been a tiepoe.

The ninth is Get Over It Day.

I already did.

The 14th is Pi Day.

It seems like this day goes on forever.

April

The second is Reconciliation Day.

Be sure to wear your “makeup.”

The 12th is Big Wind Day.

Didn’t I already make a joke about that?

April 13 is Scrabble Day.

I’m tiled of it already.

The 27th is Hairball Awareness Day.

Cough, cough … bleck. Hey, look what I am aware of now.

April 28 is Sense of Smell Day.

Good thing it’s nowhere near Bean Day.

May

The 12th is Limerick Day.

People from Nantucket love this one!

May 31 is Speak in Sentences Day.

Umm … what do rest time?

June

June first coughs up Heimlich Day and the 25th is Leon Day.

June had lots of Days … but they were all pretty mundane.

July

The third is Eat your Beans Day.

Makes for an “explosive” fourth.

July 20 is Moon Day.

Don’t do it. People won’t get why you are showing them your butt.

July 24 is Tequila Day. It is also Cousins Day.

Do NOT mix these two … even in Arkansas.

August

Aug. 5 is Oyster Day.

So just clam up!

The eighth is Dollar Day.

This day seems like it gets smaller every year.

The 24th is Waffle Day.

I like it … I don’t like it … I like it again (It’s a thinker).

September

The first is Chicken Boy Day.

Umm … I got nuthin’ for that.

Sept. 8 is Ampersand Day.

Kind of a footnote to the calendar though.

Sept 23 is Pot Pie Day.

Think Coloradans do their pies different?

October

The 15th is Grouch Day.

Hmm … Isn’t it about time?

Oct. 30 is Publicist Day.

Why didn’t I know about this earlier?

November

Nov. 5 is Doughnut Day.

Homer Simpson’s favorite holiday! Woo-Hoo!

The 20th is Absurdity Day.

Are we supposed to be absurd or notice the rest of the days?

December

Dec 6 is Pawnbroker’s Day

An ad hoc holiday you can buy back later.

The 15th is Cat Herder’s Day.

It’s a kitty roundup! Just open a can of tuna.

Dec. 26 is Whiner’s Day.

I don’t like it. It’s too cold … and depressing … Can we change it?

Okay there’s your list of just a few of the ridiculous National Days out there.

I swear i didn’t make any of these up—except Flatulence Day—but after reading some of these, would you be surprised if there were one?

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