The battle of bitterness and gratitude

It is no secret around the Saratoga Sun office and at home that I have been feeling grumpier than usual lately. I definitely fit into the curmudgeon category sometimes, and lately I have fallen in to the trap of resentment. As the saying goes, holding a resentment against someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.

I have found it a fine line to walk, working for the newspaper and trying not to judge people. Another saying is that it is none of my business what people think of me and vice versa. Sometimes my weekly reporting duties are filled with dysfunctional meetings. As a grown-ass man it is my choice as to how I let things that are out of my control affect me.

Every morning I start my day with a couple of silent prayers. The simple request of “Thy will ... not mine,” and the Serenity Prayer usually gets me on good footing for the day, but not always. Now it is time for a more substantial effort.

Lest I forget, and sometimes I do, here is a short gratitude checklist:

- My sobriety

Simply put, I would have nothing to be grateful for without my sobriety. “Putting the cork in the jug,” is something I have to do one day at a time, but as those days add up—and as I work my recovery program the beauty of life becomes ever more apparent.

- The love of my family

My little girl is too young for actual words of encouragement, but her giggles, coos, deedle-dees, hugs and head touches (her most common expression of affection) settle me down on the hard days. The inalienable love and support of my wife help keep me grounded and remind me of how lucky we are.

- Pancake and Meatball

Those are my dogs, and as with any pet their love is unquestioning. Burying my nose in the nape of a dog’s neck is as good or better than any anti-depressant or anti-anxiety drug on the market.

- A roof over my head and food in my belly

I am fortunate in life to have always had more than I needed. These days I come home to a beautiful house and have never had to worry about whether or not my family has food to eat. Not everybody in the world has this type of security, but that is not my injustice to right.

- The natural world

I can’t define my higher power, and it is egotistical of me to try and put my God in a box. The closest I can come to defining it is as the totality of nature. As a person who made his first career out of being outdoors analyzing the remnants of past peoples I can’t deny that nature is life-blood to me. This is re-enforced every time I step outside in Saratoga. There is something about the view of the Medicine Bow mountains that is instantly calming and meditative to me.

- Work

Even though it can be the source of a great deal of stress, when I let it be, I have a diverse and challenging job that keeps my brain active. My coworkers keep me laughing and commiserate with me about the state of affairs in our world. Covering things I know nothing about, and a few things I have years of experience with, helps keep my brain from becoming an atrophied ball of grey spaghetti.

- Humanity

When it comes down to it, there is more good than evil in the world and I honestly believe that the default nature of humans is kindness and compassion. It may not show up every day in every person, but I do believe that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have at the time. On my good days this is no more evident than right here in the Upper North Platte Valley. Over and over again I have seen the community band together in support of someone during hard times.

I don’t have any figures to back it up, but there seems to be an unusually high rate of cancer in the Valley. As seen through the lens of Garry Wood’s lymphoma diagnosis and other instances of community support for those battling illnesses or recovering from the death of a family member, I know of no other place with the pervasive emotional and financial support that can be found here.

Well, lucky number seven seems like a good place to end this list today, and I feel better. If you feel up to it, try writing a gratitude list of your own and see how you feel after. At a minimum, take a moment to do something nice for someone today, especially if they won’t know you did it.